All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
