tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
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I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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