She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I just googled if crying burns calories
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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