I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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