last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
