I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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