Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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