The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
