I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
