Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Randomize
