You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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