Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Randomize
