I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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