i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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