she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
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