just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Sorry about my life...
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
