the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
