doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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