In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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