i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
The best revenge is premature balding
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Randomize
