Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
