I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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