she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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