you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
