The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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