i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
