how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
