And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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