i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
It's official drugs can't kill me
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
