I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
MIDGETS
????
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
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