i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
