you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
They have beer where we have blood.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
