I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
