I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
