I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
