We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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