Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
