like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
