I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
