If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
