So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
