If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
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