It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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