You're so nebulous sometimes
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
