my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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