In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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