i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
