She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize
