whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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