Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
