he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
