Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
it's great music for shaving your balls
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
