I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I skipped work to stalk him.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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