Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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