well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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