wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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