How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Bring me that man meat
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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